I Wonder Series; Why am I scared? Part 2.

I wonder why do I have such a strength rong natural urge for signs of approval from the outside world. As I’m marking down the street, Thoughts pop in my head about how to cut my hair to hide my retiring hairline. I then find myself googling styles to fit my round head. 

Then all of sudden I get to sit in the barber chair. She asks how to I want it cut.  Different googled haircuts chaosly come in out my head. Then I wondered about just going bald. Fuck you insecurities! I then nervously yet confidently told her cut it all off like army style. She did so & then handed me the mirror. I nervously & slowly raised it to my face. The first thing I saw was that damn thinning headline looking back as if to say, “ha ha!” I then looked at my patiently waiting barber & with a vibrating pleading tone I ask, can u cut it shorter? Now I’m seeing the thinning head line that’s taughts me.” After that awkward confession I finished with a short giggle. She then did another pass on my head. I nervously looked in the mirror again. I then told her thank you & tipped her. I left nervously excited that I faced my fear.

When I got back home, I google how to shave my head & shaved my head what I learned. All the time having thoughts of accidentally peeling my head. Then later on while talking to Vacia, I surprise her!😂

 

This is the end reaction you didn’t see
in in the video above as I cut it out.
Later on that afternoon,  As I sat there in Mcds while Vacia played with friends, I felt normal, like nothing was shaved. Then moments later, while taking a picture with Vacia, I looked. I felt arward briefly, then I smiled while loving what I see.

A passage from Echart Tolle’s book, “A New Earth,” fits this experience. “Equating the physical sense-perceived body that is destined to grow old, wither, and die with “I” always leads to suffering sooner or later. To refrain from identifying with the body doesn’t mean that you neglect, despise, or no longer care for it. If it is strong, beautiful, or vigorous, you can enjoy and appreciate those attributes – while they last.”

This is me detaching myself from my physical form and instead be me in the now. I am in the universe in the human form. Why stress about a form that is mortal or that dies? This is basically a new mental practice to replace mental conditioning of feeling self-conscious about a physical attribute.

 

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