As mentioned in my earlier blog, i have learning how to better connect with others & look for ways to be kind to others. This blog is about my efforts to better connect with my family. Taking the time to learn how to connect has greatly changed how I connect to my family when before i had the following mindsets. I felt I had to be the perfect oldest sibling for all 7 younger siblings to look up to. I also used to feel that no matter what they said I was always right. In addition, I used to feel that they had to “do it right or else” because I also held myself to the same standard. On top of that, I used to feel “it’s my way or the highway.” Now, I learned to not expect the same from each of my siblings. Each one of them are uniquely different. I learned to be totally ok if one of them mess up. I learned to listen & do without expectation for them. We have more meaningful conversations. One of the biggest change in family connection is with my younger brother.
My younger brother & I are the closest we ever been. We can openly take about each other’s struggles without worrying about the other judging. My bro has also played a big part in helping me recognize the deep emotional weeds that exist. He willingly listens to me “bitch” & helps me figure out the issues. He helps me see how foolish some of my worries are. I am also more deeply connecting with my parents in the following ways.
I am having deep conversations with my parents without fear of being condemned or judged. The biggest impact is with my father. Growing up as a teenage, my dad & I were pretty much adversaries. We fought & I used to disrespect him in countless ways. Now fast-forward a decade & half later, my dad & I are chatting at random. We check in on each other when we know there is a severe weather situation in our area. Another big thing is now I get to see him when my daughter & I travel 9 hours to visit our hometown. Now I am able to talk about our past & come to closure. One of Also, through finally connecting with my father I am able to better understand my father & see how he deals with challenges. Lastly, I always wanted to but recently I finally got to feel a fathers hug to me as a father. Those moments are the weed eater to my childhood weeds.
In closing, There are my 3 biggest takeaways are I am not a slave to my childhood emotional anchors that fuel my anxiety I must step into it or it will continue to be magnified in my family situations. It’s never too late to humble myself & reconcile with my parents. Finally, though practicing unconditional love with family, it comes back tenfold in expressions of empathy, support, & soul-deep love that lives outside any perception of wrong-doing or strings-attached.